will you dance with me tonight?

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

at this period of time, lina wishes shes lonely. yeah, pardon her if shes not been replying your messages or having outings with ya. --anyway, on monday, i went over to dil's house with amsie to chill. yeah, eating, talking, drinking smothies, thanks to amsies' skill of churning those berries in the mixer and thanks to adilah's red berries. it was so much fun chatting about what happened in the past years(like what we did when we were young i.e how we almost run away from home, and how amsie actually pitched a tent and how adilah screamed at her.) haha, those moments we cherished. of course we all do, cos it wont happen again, for sure. i always love hanging out at dils' house. apart from the food she always seem to have, her house has this comfy, cozy feeling you know. haiz, when it comes to reflecting back what we have done, im just afraid everything would end. have you ever had this fear of losing? not the kind like losing in a competition, losing as in losing someone special, friendship you cherish, and tralala. i have, in fact, many times. however, i hardly express it. im a girl who lives for the moment, true. but theres many more you have yet to discover about me.. my mummy used to say that i hardly show that i love her. well, i do. its just that i never say 'i love you momma', that kind of thing. im just like that, its hard for me to tell someone that i appreciate them very much, except of course through those written. hearing me saying those words is just almost impossible, but if i express them through words written, then it sounds something more possible, ya know. yup, when i dun tell you straight that i love you, or appreciate your presence, it doesnt mean i dun, its just that i find hard to say.but deep down, you must know i do. and then you wonder, why isit easy for me to express 'i love you' to my ex bfs. and i tell ya, cos i dun really feel the way i say it. its easy to say something when you hardly dun mean it. doesnt it? well, to each his own, but thats for me. im sorry dear ex bfs of mine. love is a great thing that doesnt need anyone to express verbally, but through how one actually shows. and showing you love someone doesnt equate to diamond rings and branded goods, but those little things you do. a smile a day, a message to say hi. and the thoughts about the one you love. thats how you show. then have you ever wondered how mute people fall in love too, without ever uttering the phrase-i love you? i have a different way to appreciate people around me, something i leave you to discover. i dun show big gestures like buying you stuff all the time, but yeah, i have my own way, and it takes a real good person to know me that well. to my ex bfs, if you are reading this, i adore you all, really.. its just that what i felt was never love. i think you guys felt the same way too, huh? yeah, i know. it was just a stupid cliche line that we used to think its essential in a relationship. but nahh, its not. and ya, i blame myself for getting into a relationship, becos most of the time, i agree to a relationship because i was just about to know you better. so yeah, maybe i wont find another boyfriend, till i am really ready for it. maybe.. i really dunknow. sometimes, i wonder what do i look for in a guy? thats really a brainteaser for me, cos i really dont know. every crush i have, every bf i have before seems to clash with my definition of a perfect guy im looking for. and thus, i have somehow stopped listing the qualities and characteristics i want in a guy. it makes me confused. And also because i know, that ultimately, love depends more on what you feel, rather than what you see. and the summary of this whole entire long entry? i love my mummy, my family, and all my friends. you know it.and i really hope you do...

5:28 PM

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